Semantics of the Eternal


by Andrew Borakove November 13, 2017

We’ve been receiving tremendous feedback on this melodious combo for decades now! All in the form of emails. And all from one Mr. Alan Chaok of presently of Dearborn, Michigan.

What began as a simple customer inquiry evolved into an 18 year long correspondence between a gong magnate and an MIT dropout, the likes of which have not been seen since Vincent and Theo. Van Patten and Huxtable, that is.

Below is a sample of it all:

Dear Gongs Unlimited:

While I am ecstatic with my recent purchase.... given that matter is always in a state of decay... is it not false advertising to refer to its stand as “eternally present?”

Sincerely, Alan Chaok

_____________________________

Dear Alan:

Thanks for the question. It’s always great to get an email from one of our customers. Even this one. I would ask you to consider that the process of decay itself is eternally present, and that a fundamental principle of classical physics dictates that matter cannot be created or destroyed in an isolated system. Even here in Nebraska.

So while eventually the stand will decay (hundreds if not thousands of years from now) it will continue to exist in another form. I hope that clears things up for you.

Regards, Andrew

_____________________________

Dear Andrew:

Thanks for the prompt response, but unlike the gong and stand itself, I’m just not buying it. Also, isn’t all matter “subatomic” at some level? It would seem to me that your gong is no more “subatomic” than the fingers I am using to type this email, no?

Alan

_____________________________

Dear Alan:

Another great question! I take it you’re not working. While I will broach your concerns with the staff, perhaps you may be examining our copy a little too closely as I’m not sure it holds up on a subatomic level. Haha.

Regards, Andrew

_____________________________

ONE YEAR LATER, WHAT HAD BEGUN AS A SIMPLE AND SEEMINGLY HARMLESS CUSTOMER-SERVICE FOLLOW-UP HAD DETERIORATED INTO THIS

Dear Andrew:

Again I must violently disagree. Our planet has finite resources. Therefore, your gongs, which can only be constructed from one or more of said resources, cannot by definition be “unlimited.”

Alan

_____________________________

Dear Mr. Chaok: You’re in violation of the restraining order. Cease and desist all correspondence at once. Ned Gamete-Rosenthal Attorney for Mr. Borakove

_____________________________

Fortunately, nothing lasts forever (okay, we admit it!) and both tempers and semantics eventually cooled as these two men at odds found common ground in the physical and sonic beauty of the subatomic gong itself.

_____________________________

Dear Alan:

I am very happy to hear that the combination of the subatomic gong and new medication is working for you. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, while encouraged in our manufacturing process, is nothing to sneeze at. I wish you nothing but continued success.

Warmly, Andrew

_____________________________

The Subatomic Gong on Eternal Gong Stand. It’s the perfect conversation piece. You just need to set some boundaries is all. Take a look at the Perfection here!

 

 




Andrew Borakove
Andrew Borakove

Author



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