by Andrew Borakove December 01, 2017

[THE FOLLOWING IS AN EXCERPT FROM A LOST “SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS” EPISODE AS RELATED TO US BY A RATHER FISHY SMELLING FELLOW.]




[Spongebob enters the Krusty Krab, finding it a wild mess. A trashcan spits out flames in the corner. Sauces strewn about.]

Spongebob: Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs! Are you here?

[Mr. Krabs pokes his head out from behind an overturned table]

Mr. Krabs: Thank Neptune you’re here, boy! You’ve got to do something!

Spongebob: What happened?

Mr. Krabs: It’s the citizens of Bikini Bottom, Spongebob! They’ve gone crazy with anger!

Spongebob: Crazy? Why?

Mr. Krabs: I don’t know! Just this morning, I offered everyone 1% off a Krabby Patty with the purchase of another Krabby Patty!

CUT TO:

[Downtown Bikini Bottom in chaos, with cars turned over and smoke drifting through the air. A random citizen walks into the scene, screaming and holding his head.]

Citizen: That’s not even a real discount!

[BACK TO: Krusty Krab]

Spongebob: Hold on, Mr. Krabs! I know what to do!

[Spongebob pulls a gong from his back pocket]

Mr. Krabs: This is no time to make a pizza.

Spongbob: This isn’t a pizza pan! It’s a 10" Pasi Gong on the Woodsonic Gong Stand! I need to get to the roof!

DISSOLVE TO:

[Spongebob standing on the roof of the Krusty Krab with Mr. Krabs next to the gong]

Mr. Krabs: What’s this going to do, boy?

Spongebob: It’s going to calm everyone down, Mr. Krabs. Watch!

[Spongebob hits the 10" Pasi Gong on the Woodsonic Gong Stand with the free mallet included with his Gongs-Unlimited order]

[The SOUND of the GONG, bright and cheerful, resonates throughout Bikini Bottom. We see crazed citizens fighting and destroying property hear the gong and stop what they’re doing.]

Random citizen: It’s … it’s beautiful!



(BACK TO: Spongebob and Mr. Krabs]

Mr. Krabs: It worked, Spongebob! But let me ask, what is that thing holding the gong?

Spongebob: It’s a Woodsonic Stand, Mr. Krabs! It’s made of real wood, not driftwood, and crafted with care by furniture makers on the land! I bought it online, from my new favorite store, Gongs Unlimited!

Mr. Krabs: On land? Online? What the barnacle are you talking about?

Spongebob: I learned it from Squidward. He buys fancy shoes in bulk that way!

Mr. Krabs: Tell me, boy, how much did this cost you?

Spongebob: Only a few clams! AND YOU'LL LIKE THIS... FREE SHIPPING!

[Mr. Krabs’ eyes turn to dollar signs]

Mr. Krabs: Free … shipping? Man, those nutty guys at Gongs Unlimited must care about gongs even more than they care about money!

Also in Gongs Unlimited Super Blog

Comparing and Assembling Tone of Life Telescopic and Travel Gong Stands

by M H January 24, 2023

We love Tone of Life's beautiful Gongs and Gong Stands. They're perfect for any sound healer seeking new instruments for sound baths. They make stands that are great for travelling therapists, or therapists with limited space. Learn more here and see what's right for you!

Read More

New Instrument Highlight: Real Gongs

by M H January 12, 2023

Learn more about the latest addition to the Gongs Unlimited store: Real Gongs. These hand-hammered creations come from Spain and the mind of gong master, yoga professor, and artist José Antonio Álvarez. These beautiful gongs are works of sonic mastry! Learn more and hear each one here.

Read More

Instrument Highlight: Sew Handpans

by M H December 28, 2022

Seeking new Sound Healing instruments for your Spiritual and Sonic Healing Practice? Get your hands and ears on one of Sew Handpans beautiful and unique instruments. Learn more about these amazing Italian-made instruments, see and hear each one and find if they're right for you.

Read More