The 40" Mother Tesla and the Aunties

by Andrew Borakove October 05, 2017

Nikola Tesla had some ugly aunts. It's a fact. Throughout history, many geniuses have suffered with aunts or uncles and step-cousins who were anything but pulchritudinous.

The most fierce-faced, the definite ugliest, according to Tesla in his diary, had a wrinkled face like a Shar-Pei with two large teeth “protruding like the tusks of an elephant” that would “bury into his cheek” and crush his soul every time she tried to kiss him.

Although it was in his diary, not for public consumption, that’s still a pretty rude thing to say, Nikola!

Sure, you didn’t know we would read your diary, but… Auntie probably didn’t choose to look like that. It's not like there was plastic surgery back then, no one could get their vaginal canal rejuvenated or botulism injected into their forehead, or vice versa!

Lucky for Aunt Tesla and others with tusk-like protrusions, the 40" Mother Tesla Gong isn’t going to judge.

It's like a good Momma! Universal love.

This gong has no capacity for judgment. It is a gong! The Mother Tesla only has capacity for sound. Rich, beautiful sound.

And of course, the Mother Tesla style of gong is a Gongs Unlimited exclusive.

If Tesla himself were alive, he’d definitely own at least a few of these bad boys, because he’d recognize the low, consistent tones this gong produces has high-end sound healing qualities.

And he could use them for himself, the shy boy.

Did you know he would put his aunts side-by-side to compare them, to decide which was less ugly?

It was like he had Ugly American Idol contest. That’s the behavior of someone who needs a 40" Mother Tesla Gong in his life.

On the flip side, the Aunties did agree to it, as they often argued amongst themselves who was ugliest!!! True! It was a matter of pride, and disgust, between all the harridans. Like a gaggle of Medusas, were they!

There’s rumor that Tesla was working on a secret project when he died.

He was working on reforming the faces of those less aesthetically refined, like his aunts. It’s believed by scholars the technology was gong-based, using the vibrations to reshape the molecular layout of the human face. Alas, the blueprints were believed to be lost in the great Tesla fire of 1899 caused by him lighting his farts on fire with wireless electricity!

Andrew Borakove
Andrew Borakove


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